To my friend that is heartbroken,
There isn’t really anything that I can say that will make you feel better right now. Heartbreak and heartaches are shit. There is no sugar-coating that. It fucking sucks. It reeeeeeeeally fucking sucks. It doesn’t matter whether the relationship was a healthy one, it doesn’t matter how long you were together, it doesn’t matter how it ended… heartbreak is heartbreak. What matters is that you allow yourself time to heal. Whether the heartbreak is fresh in the last week, or whether it happened 6 months ago, don’t feel that you have to rush to get over it – we all heal at different rates. There is no timeline to get over someone. You just have to ride it out.
One thing I have learnt during MY heartaches is this – you need to feel it. Distractions are ok for a while but eventually the hurt will catch up with you and then you’ll hate yourself for still being upset over something that you had fooled everyone else (and possibly even yourself) in to thinking you were over. You’re allowed to be hurt. You’re allowed to cry. You’re allowed to have days where you stay in bed and bury your face in your palms getting lost in memories of happier times, all whilst you search for the answers you may never get. You’re allowed to feel like you will never laugh again, like you will never love again. You’re allowed to be hurt, upset, confused and all of that. It’s ok not to be ok. Anyone that tells you any different is wrong.
Remember in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows when Ron is a total douchebag and leaves Harry and Hermione? He was allowed to be a douchebag because he had a horcrux around his neck – the boy you were with did not. He was a douchebag because he is a douchebag and honey, douchebags like that don’t change. Please don’t stop seeing the magic in the world. More importantly, don’t stop seeing the magic in you – there is so much that is special about you.
When you ARE happy again (and you will be happy again, promise) you will look back at the hard times and be thankful for where you are now and how you got there. No one is without hard times and heartache, no one. Own your hard times, life is made up of them and what we do with them is what matters. You might not see the day now but I promise that one day you’ll get into bed at night and realise that you haven’t cried all day, that will turn into a week, then a month. It will be then that you will realise you’re going to be ok and that will be a great day (one that we can celebrate with tequila).
I have also come to learn that nothing is taken away without being replaced. I don’t mean that you will have a new love interest straight away (maybe you will, who knows?) but you will have something. Maybe right now you are not supposed to be in a relationship with anyone else but yourself. Maybe it’s time to replace your love for him, with love for you. Perhaps this is your time to find yourself independently from anyone else and you’re meant to enjoy it for what it is. Your time, for you. Time to remember how fucking rad you are! How much you have to offer the world! Not a bad replacement if you ask me. Building a life that is different from the one you had planned out for yourself is scary, but also exciting. Who knows what adventures life will take you on now – embrace the uncertainty. If you don’t know where you’re going, you can’t get lost!
I can’t promise you that there will be no more heartbreak for you in the future but I can promise this. – I will be there.
I will be there to sit with you in silence whilst you cry.
I will be on the end of the phone whilst you wonder out loud for the seventieth time if you could have done something different so that things didn’t end the way they did.
My friend Tequila and I will be there on the nights you want to just forget about the hurt in your heart and laugh and dance as if you hadn’t a care in the world.
I will be there when you decide you’ve done enough crying and you are ready to pick yourself and your heart up and try again.
I will be there when you realise that pain will always be a memory, but that memories aren’t always painful.
I will be there when the sun finally comes through the clouds and you start to really smile and laugh again. On the days the sun fades I will be there to dance in the rain with you.
When you get to the stage when you can smile at the past and flirt with the future… you got it, I’ll be there.
Remember, your laughter tastes better than your tears and time really does heal all wounds. Make that your mantra. Time heals. Time heals. Time heals.
I can’t wait for the day when you turn to me and say, “I can’t believe me and my little ole heart survived that”; because I know you can do it. We all do. We all know you have it in you; you just need to believe you do too.
I promise you that you WILL get over this, no matter how long it takes.
When you’re ready, your new life will be waiting for you and it will be more than you ever dreamed it could be.
Go get it, gurl!
The Girl with the Backpack 